• Welcome
  • About Noni
  • About Montanna
  • About Taylah
  • Counselling
  • Workplace Counselling
  • Family and Child Counselling
  • Service fees
  • Keynote speaker
  • Resources
  • Book Now
  • Testimonials
  • Contact
  • Blog
Menu

Holistic Trauma Counselling

Online
City, State, Zip
0439240243

Grieve and Grow.

Holistic Trauma Counselling

  • Welcome
  • About Noni
  • About Montanna
  • About Taylah
  • Counselling
  • Workplace Counselling
  • Family and Child Counselling
  • Service fees
  • Keynote speaker
  • Resources
  • Book Now
  • Testimonials
  • Contact
  • Blog

Mental Flexibility: The Window of Tolerance

September 25, 2024 Noni Croft

Trauma keeps us wired for worry, it slows down our capacity to grow, feel and experience life as it is now. The good news is we can unwind and create space within ourselves to feel the world through a lens of hope rather than mistrust.

Understanding the window of tolerance is a helpful skill in living beyond trauma. The window of tolerance is the optimal zone of arousal in which we are able to cope, function and tolerate everyday stressors, make room to process past hurt, communicate with clarity and be in a space of learning.

Trauma shrinks our window of tolerance, we spend less time in our learning flow state and longer in states of up or down (hyper-arousal or hypo-arousal).

Self awareness of our window of tolerance through understanding the physical and emotional biofeedback our bodies send us is essential, with this knowledge you are able to gradually widen your window of tolerance and stay longer in the optimal zone. The dream isn’t to always be calm but to have a mind body connection that is flexible, resilient and adaptable.

The Window of Tolerance

The window of tolerance is the zone of learning, joy and peace. When we are in our window of tolerance we are able to respond to physical and emotional demands effectively, we are self-regulated and what is called Safe and Social rather than responding from a place of fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

Trauma Impacts the Window of Tolerance

Our body is always prioritising safety, it wants you to feel safe. Trauma (which is unresolved stress) creates a pattern in our bodies to respond from a place of flight, fight, freeze or fawn even when the threat has past. Traumatic experiences can leave us in a state of biological dysregulation, where it can seem that social interactions feel disconnected, life purpose can feel murky and our bodily functions become impaired (thyroid, digestive and mental health illnesses as examples).

During traumatic experiences if we are not able to get away or fight back our body collapses into the freeze state, and particularly for interpersonal trauma we can depend on fawning (people pleasing) to survive complex and harmful abuse.

Hyperarousal

Hyperarousal is the body switched to on mode, it involved the activation of hormones such as adrenalin and cortisol to aid in escape or create fight energy.

We may feel this in our body as states of:

  • Worry or anxiety

  • Fear or panic

  • Hypervigilance

  • Rage

  • Restlessness or decreased sleep

  • Inability to focus

  • Addictions, over eating or restrictions

  • Outbursts, impulsive behaviour or compulsive thoughts

Hypoarousal

Hypoarousal is the biological stage after hyperarousal. It is where our body shuts off to replenish spent hormones. It is the freeze state.

  • Disconnection or flatness

  • Seperate from emotions

  • Memory loss

  • Unable to think or respond

  • Depressive state, slow moments, low desire to move, increased sleep habits

  • Auto pilot or disassociation

Living in your Window of Tolerance

Understanding how our body feels in our window of tolerance and outside of it helps us see the warning signs of dysregulation and take steps to come back to balance. When we know a even the slightest change of temperature, smell, sound, touch or a thought can be dysregulating and push us outside of our window of tolerace, we can appreciate our bodies rather than judging them.

There are four simple steps to understanding your window of tolerance:

  1. Pay Attention to your body and the symptoms

  2. Identify the symptoms your body experiences

  3. Label your distress level (1 - 10)

  4. Identify the cause and create new patterns

1. Pay Attention to your body and the symptoms

Our body is always detecting the stimulis in our world to check for threats, even more so when we have experienced trauma where everything felt like a threat or people who we believed where meant to keep us safe were the people harming us. Helping identify to your body to feel here and now (present moment), rather than there and then (past trauma).

2. Identify the symptoms your body experiences

Now start to check in with yourself, are you in states of hyperarousal and hypoarousal throughout the day? How often and what time of the day or events that happen bring your body into this state?

3. Label your distress level (1 - 10)

Scaling 1 - 10 (1 - being not at all and 10 - being very distressing) is a powerful tool of measuring your distress, your level of distress is unique to you. When we understand for example that dirty plates is 9 out of 10 for you but 2 out of 10 for people you live with you can start having meaningful conversations instead of invalidating fights.

4. Identify the cause and create new patterns

Writing and understanding our triggers that activate Hyper or Hypo arousal takes us closer to re-programming ourselves and creating healthier, kinder patterns. For example if dirty dishes are triggering to you because you experienced fear or abuse in childhood about dirty dished then you can start to create safety, tolerance and ‘here and now’ compassion for yourself.

Increase Your Window of Tolerance

Living within our window of tolerance is powerful way to feel like we know ourselves and make decisions from the clearest part of our minds. There are two ways to optimise this:

  1. Widen Your Window of Tolerance

  2. Self-Regulate

Widening your window of tolerance helps you to handle daily stress without being pushed into hyper or hypo arousal to cope.

Self-regulation helps you handle stress and return to the window of tolerance.

1. Widen Your Window of Tolerance

There are ways we can increase our window of tolerance and approach life with mental flexibility.

Practice Mindfulness

Building Awareness

  • focus your attention

  • identify what you are feeling

  • ask yourself why do you feel that way

  • question why those feelings matter

Be More Open

  • let yourself feel everything, be open to both positive and negatives

  • don’t push away unpleasant thoughts or emotions

  • let negatives flow and pass through your mind

Be More Accepting

  • accept feelings of both positive and negative experiences

  • avoid judgment or censoring of your thoughts and feelings

  • don’t be ashamed, embrace it instead

Be Present

  • stay in the present moment and focus on what you are currently doing

  • pay attention without judgment

  • avoid multitasking as this is mentally draining

Increase Happiness

There are four happiness chemicals that your brain releases when you feel good. These chemicals are known as DOSE. When you are happy and have a positive experience, your window of tolerance will naturally expand.

By understanding how each of the chemicals works, you can trigger the release of one of the chemicals to improve your happiness.

Here are some examples of activities you can do:

Dopamine

  • make a to-do list (each time you tick off a task you increase dopamine levels)

  • create something such as writing, music, arts and crafts

  • meditate

Oxytocin

  • physical touch, cuddling, hugging, and even eye contact

  • socializing with friends and family

  • listening to music

Serotonin

  • getting sunshine outdoors

  • cold showers

  • getting a massage

Endorphin

  • laughter and crying

  • eating dark chocolate or spicy foods

  • creating music or art

Reduce Shame

Shame thrives in secrecy, and it can become a pattern of shame filled or defensive behaviour. Resolving shame needs openness, honesty and safe spaces for it to be held and transformed.

  1. Name your shame

  2. Listen to how you speak to yourself

  3. Write about your shame

  4. Tell someone you trust, shame evaporates in safe spaces

Build Resilience

Resilience is vital for surviving and adapting in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, or stress.

Build Connections

  • prioritize relationships by connecting with those close to you

  • join a group and build one-on-one relationships

Foster Wellness

  • focus on all three aspects of health, (physical, mental and social)

  • Avoid negative outlets (masking your pain with substance abuse)

Find Purpose

  • look for opportunities for self-discovery

  • take steps towards your goals (long term and short term goals)

  • embrace change and be optimistic

  • help others (supporting a friend, volunteering, connecting with support groups)

Overcoming hyperarousal is generally easier than compared to self-regulating when you experience hypoarousal. We need to move from hypoarousal, through hyperarousal to come back into our window of tolerance.

Self-Regulate Hyperarousal

When you experience hyperarousal symptoms you can soothe yourself with these techniques:

Release your anger (try one of these)

  • close your eyes and lay down to let yourself relax and calm down

  • give yourself a 10-second hug by wrapping your arms around yourself and holding tightly

  • stretch your arms out in front of you to relieve that tension built up

  • shake it off to relive that stress

  • take a drink of water to cool yourself down and calm your nerves

Breathing exercise

  • pause for a moment

  • take a long and slow deep breath

  • inhale with your nose and fill your lungs

  • hold the breath for 3 seconds

  • exhale with your mouth

  • count each breath and do at least 10 deep breaths

Meditate

  • being mindful and meditating go hand in hand

  • helps to regulate emotions and thoughts

  • relives stress by calming you down

Practice yoga

  • yoga is the practice of controlling the mind and body

  • improves your concentration and reduces stress

  • relieves any tension built-up

Self-Regulate Hypoarousal

When you experience hypoarousal symptoms you can activate your body with these techniques:

Activate your senses (tap into your five senses)

  • warm bath

  • massage

  • aromatic candles or scents

  • music or natural sounds

  • tasty food

Grounding exercises (try one of these)

  • notice your feet connecting with the floor, how does it make you feel

  • hold an object in your hand and really focus on it

  • 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 exercise, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, open your eyes, and look around the room and acknowledge:

    • 5 things you can see

    • 4 things you can feel

    • 3 things you can hear

    • 2 things you can smell

    • 1 thing you can taste

Additional Self-Regulation Techniques

Physical activity

  • any form of physical exercise you enjoy helps

Challenge your thoughts

  • recognizing negative thoughts, challenge the thought and reframing them in a positive way

Write things down

  • writing helps clear your thoughts and unloads all your emotions out

  • clearing mental clutter gives clarity and focus

Your Window of Tolerance

Appreciate you taking the time to learn about your window of tolerance, to review:

  1. Recognize your window of tolerance and build awareness of your symptoms

  2. Widen your window of tolerance

  3. Self-regulate when you dysregulate and experience symptoms of hyperarousal or hypoarousal

This is a life long practice, it requires constant reliable repetition to form this new habit and awareness to be able to remove the automatic responses that trauma imbeds in the brain.

If you or someone you know are suffering with the effects of trauma please reach out for support.

Why the Baby Blues surface in the happiest time of your life.

February 28, 2021 Noni Croft
Stella_034_bnw.jpg

We quietly rock our soft, warm baby in the dark hours of the morning, holding in our wee and having revenge fantasies about our sleeping partner. 

It’s common and normal to feel more than sad after welcoming a new addition or additional humans to our life, even though it’s paradoxically the time when we can also feel the happiest. 

Feeling this sadness as a parent is really real, and the cause? Having so many of our deep psychological, physical and social needs going unmet.

Parenthood is hands down the only time in our lifespan when we have the demands of consistently meeting the needs of a fragile new person, while systematically having to put our own needs on pause.

As breathtakingly good as being a parent is, it also comes with the weight of expectation, a huge sense of the unknown, jittery fears rising to the surface at unexpected times, overwhelming stress and at times it can downright test your tolerance. 

All this while you have an ever-increasing mountain of unmet needs. Makes sense why it can feel really rough right?

It is possible to enjoy the bumpy road and come out the other side with a few bruises and the wisdom of resilience too.

Here are 5 tips on how:

Befriend your trauma.

Ever found it really hard to find the words around your trauma? That’s because trauma isn’t stored in the language centre of our brain, it is stored in our bodies and in our senses. And it has a knack of showing up at the most inconvenient times, like birth, breastfeeding and special occasions. The more we know about how our trauma is triggered in our bodies, the more comfort, care and clarity we can include in times where we are most vulnerable. {As a trauma aware birth doula I see first hand the power that having a voice creates after feeling silenced}.

Get out of your head and into your body.

Remember above how trauma is stored in your body. And remember how unproductive your brain was waking you up a 2am to do some serious overthinking. The best thing to do when you are consumed by thoughts? Move your body. Yoga is one of the best practices for combining breath-work, body movements and conscious relaxation. 

Boundaries keep you and me safe, together.

If we don’t say yes authentically, we say yes resentfully and that leads to more problems that if we’d said no in the first place. Boundaries keep you safe, they keep relationships healthy and are the best way to role model to young minds what is or isn’t socially acceptable. {Chose what you want and don’t want, let people know when they’ve overstepped, know that upholding the boundary is harder than setting it}.

Being listened to is being loved.

There is such tangible pain relief to freely and openly sharing your birth story, your parenting wins and struggles or your grief over all the changes you’re going though. A friend, partner, fellow parent or therapist - find one person to trust. {Learning to trust is also affected by trauma, if you have a trauma history, talking to and trying to trust the people that contributed can increase your risk of feeling unheard}. 

Let it be, let it go, let it in.

Pain shows up for us to take action to stop the source of it, sadness shows up for us to be helped, joy shows up to remind us life is so worth living. They are all valid and important, denying one doesn’t expand the others, they all belong together in the emotional human soup that you are. Whatever you can’t change right now see if you can let it be, whatever you feel you can’t hold onto any more practice letting parts of it go, whatever you need more of allow yourself to let it in.

Entering the world of parenthood can be the highlight of your whole existence. It’s also allowed to feel more than sad at times too. 

_________________________________________________

If asking for help is the hardest thing imaginable thing for you to do, then I am your person, I get how hard it is to ask for someone to listen but I will show up for you again and again, even when you don’t feel worthy of it.

I am kindness filled counsellor, birth doula, wife and mum. I have lived experience of the life-altering challenges caused by childhood sexual abuse, physical assault and emotional trauma. I have walked the path of a successful and positive recovery to become a kind, thoughtful and dedicated therapist.

To drink or not to drink.

March 4, 2020 Noni Croft
alcohol.jpg

We celebrate and commiserate with it.

We romance each other with it.

We drown our sorrows and swim to our highest highs at weddings, birthdays, funerals and baby showers.

We look forward to it. We can feel deeply ashamed by it.

Alcohol is part of our culture.

And yet we abuse it, we blame it, we avoid it, we have all kinds of relationships with it, but perhaps it’s time we understand it.

Read more

Toxic positivity has a depressing effect on your people and your bottom line.

February 29, 2020 Noni Croft
Workplace mental health

As our workplace culture leans on positivity movements and ‘good vibes only’ to feel better, we are forgetting a fundamental component of our basic human biology - homeostasis - our state of inner balance.

Workplaces who avoid or are unaware of the complex scope of mental health within their teams are ultimately robbing themselves of vibrant, engaged and committed team members.

It is easier for us all to simply close our eyes and hope for positive people, to stay stuck in the loop of limiting beliefs, to turn a blind eye to toxic office politics or accept chronic stress that leaves us lifeless.

We are all far too busy with life and the business hustle to stop and care that 'David's' sweet talking sales skills cover for his deeply manipulative, domineering and violent behaviour or that 'Susan' belittles new team members but has feigned helplessness and an inflated sense of positive contribution when someone speaks out against her.

Read more

Stepping out of the noise of jealousy and self sabotage

April 3, 2019 Noni Croft
IMG_1067.jpg

Your best friends new haircut that looks so elegant and fresh, gives you a twinge of insecurity about your own looks. 

Your partner’s co-worker who they get along with a little too well, makes your face burn with jealousy.

Your dream business that you want so badly to be wildly successful, but the embarrassment of the lack of likes on your social media is ripping your dreams up like they are made of paper. 

Human’s all have insecurities, we all feel jealousy and surrender to grief when best laid plans fall apart. 


Overcoming it? Well, that is down to choosing what emotions drive you, and most importantly understanding that often it is our subconscious patterns that are leading us around in circles. 

Read more

How to embrace pain for super human growth

February 20, 2019 Noni Croft
Noni Croft, Qualified Yoga Teacher & EFT Practitioner

Noni Croft, Qualified Yoga Teacher & EFT Practitioner

Pain, glorious pain, we would not be born into the world without it. Yet in our avoidance of pain we are magnifying it and in our fear of rejection we are staying stuck in the bland comfort of stunted growth.

Are we so afraid to make a mistake that we panic when it comes to taking action? And instead of leaping into our wildest dreams, are we missing opportunities out of fear.

Then of course we belittle ourselves for not being enough, not trying hard enough and not succeeding in the ways we expected.

How many of us have started out every Monday staring down the barrel of our week, already feeling burnt out, frustrated and longing for the simplicity of success to fall on our laps.

Waiting for the weekend and avoiding responsibility of our happiness by distracting ourselves with social media feeds and gossip.

Hands up if that’s you. Hey I feel you and you know what, it is going to be okay.

Read more

Yoga Yama's - Path to Peace

October 23, 2018 Noni Croft
Noni yoga.jpg

The physical poses in yoga (called Asana's) make up one of the 8 limbs of yoga practice. 

And it is what we generally what we think of when we think of yoga. 

While they do make for lovely #yoga instagram posts, they are a part of the whole picture of peace that is available to you. 

If you dream of having less stress, increased physical health, easier meditation, daily mindfulness, mental clarity, non-judgement & inner calm, then you can trust that these all come blissfully easily when you learn to practice all 8 limbs. 

The first limb of the 8 limbs of yoga are the 5 Yamas:

Ahimsā: Nonviolence.

Satya: truthfulness.

Asteya: non-stealing.

Brahmacharya: sexual integrity.

Read more

GRAVES' DISEASE; the cost of an animal based diet.

June 28, 2017 Noni Croft
Non violence.jpg

My alarm tinkles away next to me, 5.30am on a normal Wednesday morning. I peel my eyes open, exhausted even though I have slept solidly since 6.30pm.

My limbs feel leaded, heavy, soggy like I have been swimming in the ocean with clothes on for hours, lost, adrift, sinking.

My mind is foggy, hung over without drinking, is this what being 30 is meant to feel like? Unfair.

Read more

A CURE FOR SELF PUNISHMENT.

June 16, 2017 Noni Croft
mother nature.jpeg

There's no pretty picture to paint, no words to describe the actions of self indulgent & entitled perpetrators of sexual violence. 

There is however value in sharing how to achieve freedom from fear, how to rise up & recover from sexual assault.  

The individual times I have been singled out & seen as physical object is more than you can count on your hands.

Asserting physical power over someone else or acting without consent is not strength or power, it is a deep weakness & level of mental depravity that goes against our nature as innately intelligent, compassionate & community based beings. 

Read more

SPEAK UP & LISTEN.

April 18, 2017 Noni Croft
Opening+Eyes+Podcast.jpeg

https://player.whooshkaa.com/episode?id=96303

I encourage us all to Speak Up & Listen. No matter our gender, age, race, orientation or place in the world, we all deserve the right to safely disclose abuse of any kind.

I hope to lead by example & show victims, perpetrators & support roles that the silence, shame & secrecy will end.

Read more

Shhhh. IT'S OUR LITTLE SECRET.

January 11, 2017 Noni Croft
Journal.jpeg

“Sometimes I feel that I have to cross a bridge with six planks loose. But it is hard to see them, I get very sad on this side. My mum is sad and my dad does not care. I feel love in my rain forest” Written in school in 1995.

The following contains information that may be distressing, if so please seek help:

If you need someone to talk to, call Kids helpline 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline 13 11 14.

This is written without shame. It is raw and honest. The intention is to heal, educate and show deep gratitude.

My eyes are bloodshot and my face tear soaked, little hands tremble, stomach flip flopping back and forth, back and forth, knotting and twisting, acidic bile on the back of my tongue and an electric chill stabbing down my back. 

I am 4 years old and need some one to scoop me up, listen to me and most of all believe me.  

I want to open the flood gates, I can’t keep this bad stuff a secret any more. 

I can’t take one more “Shhhh… It's. Our. Secret.” 

I feel like I am rotting inside out, can’t they see it?

Read more
Comment

BREAKING PLATES.

December 21, 2016 Noni Croft
breaking plates.jpg

Chameleon child; hides away quietly, fits in softly, walks on eggshells, tenderly lives on the outskirts of life.

Living in such fear of outbursts and physical hurt, you hide, you play nice, become highly compliant while internalising all the injuries from words and weapons.

I would often be a deer in headlights, transfixed on the shards of crockery flying as they shattered away from the concrete as they made impact. 

The breaking plates ritual was part of my childhood memory of what surely must have been 1990’s therapy for a traumatised parent. 

I have spoken about this only once in my adult life, incredibly this same wonderful human I told, also remembers being a 90's child. We both remember staring in unbelievable awe as our parent smashed crockery until the plates ran out or our parent succumbed to exhaustion. 

Read more
1 Comment

AN OPEN LETTER.

November 21, 2016 Noni Croft
Little+Noni.jpeg

The following contains information some people may find distressing, if so please seek help:

If you need someone to talk to, call Kids help line 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline 13 11 14.

Reflecting on moments where we wish we could speak to the people we no longer have in our lives. 

The pang of pain when your friends are out having a cup of tea with their mother or she’s popping around to visit them and you know that will never be your reality. 

Here is what I would say to those who are beautiful yet broken...

"Hi mum, how are you? I mean, how are you really? 

I used to wonder why you couldn’t bring yourself to ask me how I am, I’m not angry that you couldn’t.

Read more
Comment

SYSTEM FAILURE

September 24, 2016 Noni Croft
Tape.jpeg

The following contains graphic information, if it distresses you please seek help:

Kids helpline 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline 13 11 14.

This Information would not be part of my history had the systems put in place to protect children had done so successfully. That was not the case in the 1990’s for me and this is a snap shot into the lasting effects of a child who is failed by the system.

Read more
1 Comment

HOPE.

March 21, 2015 Noni Croft
choose hope.jpg

Hopelessness is real, it is okay to not be okay. It is okay to need help.

Please reach out. Call Kids helpline 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline 13 11 14.

The world is spinning at a sickening rate, my organs are angry with me, every cell saturated, intoxicated. My brain throbs heavily, wounded by the negative thoughts that rip like razor edged shrapnel. Excruciating thoughts rush out uncontrollably from the ragged holes left behind. My painstakingly cultivated mindset, gentle as vintage lace, ripping to shreds by unjustified anger and tiring bigotry, alcohol laughs watching intently, twisting the knife. Bitter bile on my tongue is equally as acidic as these thoughts. Words written from narcissists' bloodline run incessantly across my mind like hateful song lyrics. The deadly familiarity of hopelessness fills me, creating dark clouds and a blinding blur. Peace was my offering, twice denied. 

Read more
1 Comment
Older Posts →

Disclaimer

Croft © Copyright 2023.