To drink or not to drink.

We celebrate and commiserate with it. 

We romance each other with it. 

We drown our sorrows and swim to our highest highs at weddings, birthdays, funerals and baby showers. 

We look forward to it. We can feel deeply ashamed by it. 

Alcohol is part of our culture. 

And yet we abuse it, we blame it, we avoid it, we have all kinds of relationships with it, but perhaps it’s time we understand it. 

My stance as a mental health professional is likely unorthodox, I do not demonise things. You enjoy a cool beverage on a hot summers day with your friends or you secretly drink alone, I am not going to judge you, I will empathise with you. You are the expert of your life and I am here to listen, witness your world and guide you into a state of balance and comfort. 

I trust that people are more than what they do to cope, relax or experience their world as humans, I support the vital expression of sexuality and I believe in social justice. (FYI, I do have a very strong stance against racism, sexism, violence, murder and child abuse).  

So why do we sometimes slip into a love/hate relationship with alcohol? Well, sit back and get some science into you. 

Alcohol consumption creates an anxiolytic (anti-anxiety affect) in your brain and stimulates your hypothalamus, just above your brain stem. 

The hypothalamus is responsible for body temperature (that’s why you get warm when you drink), your hunger (hello multiple kinds of snacks) as well as crucial human connection pathways of attachment (human bonding) as well as sexual and defensive behaviours. In short, moderate levels of alcohol decreases your fear and increases your pleasure. 

Bad day at work? After a glass of wine, your amygdala (in your brain which is responsible for your flight, fight or freeze response) gets its messages mixed up, it can’t as readily attach the right feelings to your stressful experiences.

Drinking also stimulates production of dopamine, which is linked to pleasurable actives and activates the reward-motivation system in the brain. That’s probably why the beginning of a positive social interaction like dinner and drinks with friends or night out, initially feels amazing. 

The challenge is within us, it’s when we chase that good feeling. And if you are one of the 5 out of 10 male identifying and 6 out of 10 female identifying people who have faced trauma in their lives, then you may be drinking with a brain that has been reshaped, with its primary functions altered and alcohol can inadvertently become a numbing agent or survival tool. 

Alcohol can become a weapon of our own self destruction. Tricking the amygdala into thinking there is no threat works for a while, but eventually you are going to have to face “Janet" in accounts or your angry father and find a solution to the problem. Or … your reward-motivation system in your brain says “we could just avoid it and have a nice cab sav to ourselves and forget about it?”…

Our brains learn from repetition, to implement good patterns or re-enforce self destructive ones we naturally do the pattern over and over. Cementing pathways in our brain until we are no longer aware of them. 

If we begin to rely on alcohol to get us through then we develop dependency, and that happens a lot sooner than is comfortable to think about. Once we are dependant, we get a range of physical, emotional, social and psychological ill-effects which ironically include anxiety, the thing we drank to soothe ourselves from in the beginning.  

The GOOD news is, as a social activity moderate drinking brings people together, creates positive memories and boosts moral, empathy and connectedness. We need connectedness more and more in our technology rich and relationship poor worlds. Demonising social activities robs people of the most healing aspect of their lives, regular relationships. 

OK. So if you have gotten this far the big question on your lips is “HOW do we be good at this is drinking thing”. 

Well we need to be psychologically mature drinkers, enjoying the moment, capturing the feeling and knowing our limits. Being aware of our emotional state and ensuring it doesn’t escalate into king hits and ego trips. Being mindful drinkers who understand their body changes under the influence and respect balance, water breaks, moderation and the enjoyment for all. 

Social drinking is no longer social when we are scraped up off the floor, the shame and social embarrassment felt the next day will haunt us and create more desire to lose control with the use of alcohol. Repeating the cycle.   

Celebrating? Happy? Sold your house? Bought a house? Had a baby? Married? Promoted? Alcohol can be symbolic of celebration. We should be able to enjoy life’s precious moments free from the stress about ‘to drink or not to drink’. The stress about stress is what makes us stressed which makes us lean on coping skills. 

Had a break up or divorce? Lost your job? Hate your job? Questioning your relationship? Questioning your sexuality? Grieving? Angry? Lost? Lonely? Remember, alcohol is momentary comfort for these, we have to face our demons, and it is SO brave, courageous, real and human to speak to someone and get support.  

Alcohol as an anti-social activity it is detrimental, over 4 drinks a day, every day, to cope with everyday life and/or be the life of a party can be a slippery slope down the oily pole of unhappiness. 

Moral of the story is, alcohol is part of humanity, and can be a positive and social part of your life and you also have the choice that alcohol has no place in your life at all for religious reasons or pure disinterest. 

If you or others do have a relationship with alcohol, the stress of banning it, being repulsed by it and demonising the use of it, only: 

1. Makes it more attractive because it’s forbidden. 

2. Creates negative associations which form synapse pathways in your brain which make you think about it. 

3. Isolates those in need of kindness who have been hurt deeply by alcoholics and shoves dependant users further down into their pain. 

Next time you reach for a drink ask yourself;

If my friend was drinking like I am about to would I be worried for their mindset? 

Would I want a child to watch and copy what I am doing? 

Am I doing this because it makes me feel social and happy or am I doing it to mask my pain.

Once you slip down the slope of using it to cope, it is time to see a counsellor like me, straight away. Someone who will not judge your connection with alcohol and will help you get to know yourself with or without a drink.